Brené Brown is a research professor in social work at the University of Houston. I came across a lecture of hers on YouTube, and it resonates with how I have lately been considering the perception of the self in the context of a group dynamic. She talks about having the courage to be imperfect, expressing your innate self wholeheartedly, and embracing vulnerability without the fear of being rebuked.
By fully embracing vulnerability, although it may seem odd, it actually makes you a stronger person as a result. By tackling your fears head-on, you may be going through something very scary, but at least you're dealing with the situation in a healthy way and not avoiding it. It's not a comfortable experience, but Brown claims that it is necessitous for the human psyche to be able to embrace "the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees." In her research, Brown observed that one of our ways of dealing with vulnerability is to numb it, to delay it until we feel like we can cope with it, because rejection is never a feeling that amplifies our self-confidence or the way we perceive ourselves to be successful individuals. By denying vulnerability, we think that we are giving ourselves a kind of stability, by risk-analysing our behaviour and attempting to reassure ourselves, we think that there's a higher likelihood that we won't get let down or rejected, or make mistakes.
However, she believes (as do I) that this to be detrimental to the individual - she states that "you cannot selectively numb emotion." You cannot compartmentalise vulnerability because it needs to be dealt with in the context of your whole personhood, for when you numb vulnerability, you also deny yourself the potential for realising your capacity for positive emotional output.
Brown claims that we cope with vulnerability by "making the uncertain, certain." She uses the example of religion, in that it has gone from a "belief in faith and mystery" to concrete self-truths, "I'm right you're wrong, shut up." This then closes the dynamic for personal growth and open-mindedness between individuals. We end up deliberately not listening to other people's views because we so profusely believe our own are true.
This type of thinking shuts us off from the world around us - our fear of vulnerability makes us difficult to interact and engage with, and ironically makes us step further away from connections with other people. She also talks about politics - "there's no discourse anymore, there's no conversation, there's just blame." In her research, Brown found that blame is a way of discharging pain and discomfort, but it doesn't work because it just puts negative emotions into a situation and doesn't heal anything, and has high-potential for harming the individual themselves as well as the victim of the blame. "We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on other people" - whether it's a corporate issue or an action of an individual, there is a tendency to deny responsibility simply because we are afraid of making ourselves vulnerable, and so we project this vulnerability onto others. She says that the answer to this is to let oneself be vulnerable, despite the obvious risks.
Talking about vulnerability in this way will no doubt in many peoples' minds bring up the central issue of trust. You can only let yourself be vulnerable if you trust the individuals with whom you engage. This is understandable, for nobody wants to wear their heart on their sleeve, only to have it ripped to shreds. However, knowing who to make yourself vulnerable to is a tricky feat. It goes without saying that a random person on the street will probably not want you to relay your deepest secrets and life goals to them quite so abruptly; and so it is important to understand that once a connection is established with someone you meet, to maintain it and then the embracing of vulnerability can begin over time, as you get to know someone.
"Being vulnerable makes you alive."
If you take a leap of faith, perhaps you can actually see how you are enough just by trying. You're not a superhuman, you are doing fine just as you are, and as soon as you start accepting yourself for this fact, you're going to realise how much easier things are. Obviously, take into account your weaknesses, the areas of your life where you have room for improvement, (for this leads to self-growth and open-mindedness, which in turn encourages the vulnerability of others) but don't let those aspects of your life overpower the other positive qualities within your personhood that you may take for granted each day. Remember, you don't have to achieve everything on your to-do list today; perhaps just achieving one thing will make you realise that you're getting somewhere, and starting to (or continuing to) believe in yourself.
Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle - Plato
Plato has this spot on, but the first person on your list of people to be kind to should be yourself.
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YouTube video that inspired this post- all quotes provided in this post originate from this video lecture: TEDX: Wholehearted - Brené Brown
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