On the subject of love

"Love is a many splendid thing. Love lifts us up where we belong - all you need is love!" - Moulin Rouge

Though a rather dramatic statement, this wonderful Baz Luhrmann film really portrays the hope that love can provide within life. Love is a universal human emotion and so it seems impossible to avoid the myriad of ways in which it permeates human experience.

Debating the nature of love isn't something humans tend to do very often, as we often take its existence for granted. We may see love in a glance, a smile, an embrace...and yet not think much about it; but its always there, an undercurrent weaving itself into a pattern in our daily lives.

Eric Fromm, the brilliant author of The Art of Loving puts it like this:

The ability to love depends on one's capacity to emerge from narcissism, [...] it  depends on our capacity to grow, to develop a productive orientation in our relationship towards the world and ourselves.

In his book, Fromm considers many aspects of considering the enigma of love - particularly from psychological thought. Yet, his conclusions are often founded in faith - love is one thing that you are never certain of and so requires faith. It requires trust, dedication, devotion, commitment and compromise. And all of these things are given in complete hope and trust that they shall be fulfilled in a relationship, whether that be platonic, romantic or familial. 

NB - One may disagree with me here and say that God's love is one you can always be certain of. I grant you that, but what I am referring to specifically in this post is the love between humans. Relationships between humans are complex enough without involving a deity! (At least for now - that's a whole other blog post!) Despite this, in consideration of the comparisons between the love between two humans and the love between humanity and God, I think they might be one and the same. Perhaps there are little differences in purity, perfection and nature of being, but the sentiment and the entitlement to strive for a love which elevates our being to a higher state is present both on the earthly and the heavenly planes.

Human love is essentially flawed - by our nature we are selfish and prone to error. We make mistakes in love - we may cheat, we may deceive, we may deeply injure our partner, yet there is always the possibility of reconciliation. And if not, well there's the new outlook of developing a new love with someone else. I've said before that I don't believe in phrases like "other half" or "The One" - I think they are fantasies. I do not believe there is explicitly an unwritten rule that there is only one person for everyone in this world. You may fall in love deeply numerous times throughout your life, and there is no shame in ending relationships in which the love has diminished. In fact, in my opinion ending broken relationships that are seemingly irrepairable is most likely the kinder thing to do for all parties involved.

Despite our human nature, the thing about love shared between humans is that is still remains a very beautiful thing. Particularly in its most purest form - that of parental love. At its core, it is absolutely unconditional. The bond formed between parent and child is such a pure love that it often becomes overwhelming. Parents have the role of nurturing their children, caring for them, raising them into responsible adults who can repeat the cycle. Children have the responsibility of learning from their parents and respecting their wisdom and trusting that they will be a pillar to uphold them until they can flourish on their own. Obviously there are exceptions, but in most cases, the attachments formed between parents and children are very difficult to sever.

Relationships between humans are extremely complex - they involve various motivations of individuals, their allegiances, their views on a plethora of issues...and even then human behaviour is unpredictable. Yet, I put to you that human love seems to be the universal language to which humans can all sing from the same hymn book - it seems to be the constant in a world of uncertainties.

It is no coincedance that most of the songs in the music industry are about love! It is a commodity that humans strive and grow and learn from. The experience of love allows individuals to truly appreciate life's variety. It is such a universal emotion that resonates with humans and as such they feel compelled to express it through music, art, and literature. In fact, every possible creative outlet that can be found in the world will somehow be permeated with the substance of love.

In my early teenage years, I had a very idealised version of love. I envisaged a perfect type of love's existence, as this pure form that would mould humans into beings who would love each other without error. This naive window I was looking out of into the world was of course shattered soon after. Yet I still believe in a pure existence of love. I still see it daily - between lovers, friends, parents...no matter where I look in life it is always there. Not in a perfect form, but it's there. The important thing is people are striving to be something better than who they were today - we are all working as hard as we can and striving for something. I believe one of the things that endures this striving the most is love, and the many gifts its brings.

"If music be the food of love, play on" - Shakespeare


I'd just like to share a poem with you that I wrote that I think describes my outlook on love:

Love is the greatest gift we can know,

Not something transient that will drift out the window.

It is the stability of all humankind,

It fills the heart, the soul, and the mind.

Do not tell me that love does not exist,

For there must have been something you have missed.

I see it in the glance between lovers,

I see it when a child embraces their mother.

When a father holds his child’s hand,

All of these, it is love’s power: you cannot reprimand.

Once you see it’s workings within your life,

Perhaps then you’ll be relieved of your strife.

For you are a child of the Lord above,

And you will discover his gift to you is love.