Flowers, Rings and the Little Things

 Planning a wedding has lots of little details that you can overthink. I've used the BrideBook App through the planning process to make sure my organisation is second to none. Its a great place to look for suppliers, ask for quotes, get discounts and generally just keep on track with tasks.

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Originally, I'd envisaged lovely, real blooming flowers. Lots of green ferns and hanging ivy with pastel shades of beautiful carnations, peonies and roses. You name it, I was on board! Then I started contacted florists and it was radio silence...nothing. It was a bit demotivating at first. Two people of the six florists I ccontacted eventually got back to me. One quote was £1000+ and the other couldn't be specific about numbers without numerous consultations. I get it. It's difficult to estimate what your cost might be without knowing exactly what the buyer wants, especially when they're asking you more than 6 months before the wedding day. 

I started considering artificial flowers. My first thought was that they might look a bit naff or cheap but the more I researched them, the more appealing they became. I mulled it over for a few weeks and just the thought of spending £1000 or more on flowers became quite a burden. Spending that much money on something which will ultimately just die after the day was a colossal waste. So silk artificial flowers it was!

I ordered two bridesmaid bouquets, three generic arrangements, a bridal bouquet and the groom and groomsmen's buttonholes from online wedding website JJs House. It saved a ton of money and they almost look as lovely as real flowers. I'm going to spray them with perfume before the big day to hopefully get them to smell a bit more floral! Keeping an open mind during wedding planning is something I've definitely learned to develop!

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The wedding rings were another thing Jay and I talked about. Jay had bought me a beautiful engagement ring from the Welsh gold jewellery makers, Clogau, and my dream was to get a matching wedding band but they were just so expensive. So I thought I could use a lovely existing ring I already owned to complement it. Then one day a couple of months ago I saw a competition on Clogau's official Facebook page to win a wedding ring of your choice. I entered, thinking nothing more of it. Then a week later I received a message to say I was the winner. It was an amazing feeling and I was so grateful. I now have a beautiful wedding ring which exactly matches the unique 18ct gold blend of my engagement ring. 

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Jay wasn't really sure what kind of wedding band he wanted so we had a chat and I said I'd have a look for something. I found a beautiful silver band from a silversmith on Etsy. (I've used Etsy throughout for wedding purchases because I love the idea of supporting small local businesses instead of buying everything from gigantic profit companies like Amazon). The lady I bought Jay's ring from has a workshop just outside of St Andrews, the university town I went to in Scotland. The ring is hand engraved with oak leaves which we thought was a beautiful nod to his family name, Oakes. 

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Our wedding journey is very much about us as a couple and our journey together and we want our wedding day not to be the end of our engagement, but the beginning of building our lives together. Part of that is honouring the respective families we belong to and also remembering our relatives who have died. I won't say much about it here because I want our guests who attend the wedding reception to be touched by the tributes we have planned but it will be a lovely part of our day, acknowledging those who cannot be with us physically.

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So there's big decisions and small decisions with planning a wedding, but don't get too carried away with the minutiae of it all. Keep in mind your vision for you both as a couple and let that guide what you want and how you want it. At the end of the day, your wedding is about you two as a couple.

Love Stephanie

 (The Bride to Be!) 

Where o wherefore art thou my perfect venue?

 The first step of our wedding planning journey was to book the registrar to attend our church ceremony. This involved a phone call to our local registry office and providing both of our details and we paid the priority service to secure someone for our chosen date. I didn't want the anxiety of waiting a few more months, having planned everything else and then finding out nobody was available to make our day legal! The registry office have asked us to physically visit them in December 2021 to give legal "Notice of Marriage" which involves providing documents and proof our both our British identities and a few questions about each other so that the registrar feels we are not being coerced into marriage.

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I approached my local parish priest in December 2020 as Jay and I have chosen to be married in the Catholic Church, the faith I was brought up in. For Catholic weddings you can pretty much get married anytime in the year except certain solemnities such as Holy Week or busy Church Feast days such as Christmas. We chose February partly because it makes the overall wedding budget much cheaper than the peak summer months but also because I thought wearing a wedding dress in the heat would be incredibly uncomfortable! 

The Catholic Church does not charge a fee for officiating weddings because the Church considers marriage to be a sacramental gift from God. Donations to the parish and/or priest are welcome. Another aspect of getting married in the Catholic Church is to undergo a marriage preparation course. These can either be informal sessions with the local priest or through a formal organisation. We chose to go for the course offered by Marriage Care.

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After that we needed to find a reception venue for our wonderful guests. We contacted five venues and went to visit two. For those interested, we contacted the following venues:

Eriviat Hall near Denbigh. This was initially one of our favourites . It looks gorgeous on their website although when I contacted the owner to visit, he wasn't very helpful and didn't follow up with me so we didn't entertain it any further.

White House, Rhuallt. This venue has some sentimental value as my parents had their wedding reception here in 1979. I contacted them to inquire but sadly never received a reply.

Wigfair Hall, St Asaph. I contacted the owner asking about a potential visit. She was very welcoming and helpful but unfortunately our guest numbers could only be accommodated with a marquee which is not something we wanted.

Pentre Mawr in Llandyrnog. We went to visit this grand country house. It was a lovely setting but a little to "DIY" and not traditional enough for us. The set up was very flexible but we thought getting all our own vendors in would prove too expensive and stressful. It is lovely though and the owners were very kind and accommodating but overall the cost exceeded our budget.

Ruthin Castle. We visited here as it is most local to us. I already had a good idea of what was on offer as I have attended a wedding here before and it was great. It has changed management hands a few times over the years but I am hopeful they will be able to provide the service we expect. We decided to book this venue as it met all our needs and was within our budget.

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A good tip before you start visiting anywhere or contacting venues is to make a rough list of the style or theme you want for your wedding and what you would want from. your reception. Questions to consider include:

Are you having your ceremony and reception in the same venue? If so, ask about capacity as some receptions have smaller rooms for the ceremonies so perhaps not all your guests will fit.

Do you want a formal seated meal or a buffet?

What about evening entertainment? Does the venue have a prior arrangement with a DJ or band, or would you like to source your own?

Consider the time of year you want to get married. We're getting married in February so an indoor venue was much more preferable to a marquee.

Do you want in house catering or is there a particular style you would like to hire separately?

What about decorations? Do you want to do your own or do you want a venue who provides an in house dresser? Ask about when and how the rooms will be set up. For instance, we can go the night before to set up and make sure the room is to our liking.

How far do you expect your guests to travel? Is the location easy to find? Is there ample parking?

 Are there particular arrangements you need to consider? One thing which was vital for us is accessibility because we have a few family members who require disability access, so long winding hills and thousands of stairs was not a realistic option.

Most importantly: does the venue seem welcoming, accommodating and transparent with what they offer and about their pricing? This is important as some venues have hidden costs. Make sure to ask about these as they're often only written in the small print of contracts. Don't get caught out!

The venue is likely to be the biggest chunk out of your wedding budget so make sure its right for both of you and it caters to your needs!

Love,

Stephanie, (The Bride to Be!)

Planning a Wedding during the Covid Pandemic

 After two and a half years together, my fiancé Jay proposed to me in November 2020. The world was already gripped by the Coronavirus pandemic and the UK was in the midst of a rapidly building second wave without a vaccine yet developed. It looked bleak.

We knew we wanted a year long engagement so we didn't have to rush any plans and we didn't want to have to cancel or postpone any wedding arrangements so we set the date for 19th February 2022.

We are hoping by then that the restrictions will ease further than they have already, back to as close to pre-Covid normality as possible. In Wales, the part of the UK where we live, wedding receptions were initially banned, and since the success of the nation's vaccine rollout, there was a limit of 30 guests allowed and now the limit is set by the capacity of the venue, after social distancing has been taken into account. This is a very promising step in the right direction. However, the wedding industry is still a little frustrated due to guidelines still discouraging dancing, singing and bar service. These things, although not essential for a wedding, still make the day enjoyable for guests. It has made us think of making contingency plans even though our wedding is still over 7 months away. Who knows where we will be next February? We hope our plans won't be too scuppered by restrictions, but no matter what they may be, we are excited to get married in 230 days!

This post is the first in a series I would like to write about planning a wedding during a very unique time. I would like to share my journey with you. So far I have found the experience relatively stress free, mostly I think because I am quite an organised person! Each month up to my wedding I will be posting about a part of my wedding planning journey. Look out for my first entry later this month!

Love, 

Stephanie, (The Bride to Be!)

A Reflection on Illness

 Since 2016 when I was devastated with the news that my mother had been diagnosed with an incredibly rare untreatable terminal illness called Corticobasal Degeneration (CBD), I have been on a journey navigating many difficult emotions and practicalities.

Much of the emotional turmoil has been from seeing my mother struggling with the illness especially the loss of her speech and the difficulties that comes with not being able to communicate.

Physically too, my mother is now immobile so it is a loss to not be able to see her cooking in the kitchen, driving, walking or gardening. 

Immediately after the diagnosis I spent the first few night and weeks crying myself to sleep. It was a selfishness that I needed to go through to feel the loss of no longer being able to do things with my mother.

Soon after, I felt doubt and anger at the faith I have. I directed my feelings towards a God who is supposed to love and care for humanity. I felt like he was letting my mother down by allowing her to suffer an illness like this. I still struggle with this emotion sometimes but it has become a resigned unknown and I just trust somehow that God has a reason even if it seems unbelievable. If others struggle with this, I highly recommend reading C S Lewis' book 'A Grief Observed'. It continues to be one of the most consoling and rich books I have read about theodicy. If you're more inclined towards the silver screen, you should watched Shadowlands starring Anthony Hopkins. It too is a treat.

Up to October 2019 I was able to continue working in paid employment, first full time and then part time and periodically help my dad care for my mother. My mother had carers and nurses coming into our home to assist her and my father, although this wasn't problem free. As her movement deteriorated even further and the relationships with the external carers broke down, by October 2019 I recognised that it was necessary to give up my part time job and become her full time live in carer. It was something that caused me some feelings of resentment but over and above that I felt and continue to feel a sense of duty born out of love.

Whilst I have some wonderful supportive friends and family, going through something like this is a very specific thing and I haven't really shared much of my experience with them because no matter how sympathetic they may be, no disrespect to them but they really would just not be able to understand the complexity of everything I have been through and continue to going through.

I follow a few people around the world with similar rare illnesses to my mother on social media and this has been some consolation and help. They are able to understand a bit more and the distance means there is no judgement.

The changing family dynamics such an illness brings is one of the most difficult traps to navigate. I've always been a much beloved daughter and since caring for my mother my role has changed. It is a complex entity I cannot explain well.

What I am certain of is that my devotion and dedication to my mother means she receives the best quality and continuity of care possible because she is receiving that care from the person who loves her most dearly in the world. This makes me proud. Proud to be a strong person. Proud to be a loving person. Proud to be a daughter who comes through for her family.

I always say that you have to take things one day at a time. I still maintain that mantra. Burnout and exhaustion are very real things and carers feel and fear them incredibly strongly. However naive it may be, I do not fear them because I know I have the inner resilience to care for my mother for as long as she needs me. The selfish resentment I felt as little as six months ago has now petered out because I understand I am working for a greater good and the purpose and motivation behind everything I do is love. 

In the end, I will be proud to say that I sacrificed something of my life to make my mother's days happier during an illness that was not of her making or choosing.

None of us know the road ahead. This is why I think it is so important to treasure your loved ones now, in the present, whilst you can. Love fiercely and let yourself be loved too. That is important. You deserve love. Be grateful for the small blessings you are given every day of your life. Always be kind. Forgive yourself for the small transgressions. You are only human, not divine.

For more information on Corticobasal Degeneration and Progressive Supranuclear Palsy please visit www.pspassociation.co.uk or www.nhs.uk/conditions/corticobasal-degeneration

Sunday Message, 22nd January 2017

A Sunday message written for pupils of Christ's Hospital School:

Luke 2:25-40

Recently, I read a book entitled ‘A Monster Calls’. A young boy is struggling with his mum’s diagnosis of cancer. He comes to terms with it through the help of a monster in the form of a yew tree. I won’t spoil the ending, but the message of the story is that we often deny the truth which is staring us in the face. We know in our hearts whether something is right or wrong, but for self-preservation we deny the truth to those around us. We try to evade truth despite its omnipresent reality.

Our reading today has a similar effect. The presentation of Jesus – which should have been a happy and joyous occasion was overshadowed by the devastating reality of suffering.

Mary and Joseph had brought Jesus to the Temple to admit him formally as a member of the Jewish religion. Simeon, a man who had been promised he would see the Messiah before his death, goes to the Temple and meets Mary, Jesus and Joseph and he gives a mysterious message to the family. He tells Mary that she will experience unendurable suffering described in the form of a sword piercing her soul. We can only imagine such suffering – a mother losing her son before his time – it is unthinkable, and justifiably so, those who experience it may rage against God. They question his existence. They lose faith.

And yet there is something in the story of Jesus that teaches us that suffering is not the end – that it is in fact a gateway to a new beginning. This is not to say that the horrendous nature of suffering is justified. We do not let God ‘off the hook’ so to speak. But it does allow us in some way to understand. To somehow comprehend the meaning within. If all suffering is meaningless, what is our existence for? Who are we? Can suffering mould us into something greater? We must reclaim ourselves in the name of something and I suggest that standing up in the name of God means a great deal. The Christian message is primarily about love and forgiveness in the midst of suffering and this provides our lives with a tremendous amount of potential. It gives us something to hold onto, to truly cope with life, to find a meaning to our existence. The universe cannot be empty. Its vastness, to me at least, is filled with divine remnants. It is our job to look for God, to search for him within our lives, and to find him working within our lives.

Believing in Christianity today, especially for young people, is often perceived to be the unpopular choice. Perhaps the message for today’s generation should be that this does not rule out the potential that Christianity may contain some truth. Indeed, it may contain the truth. It is worth thinking about and spending some time thinking over. Despite our assumptions, people do not always come to faith through easy means. Believing in God is not always ‘the easy way out’. Faith can sometimes be the hardest struggle you will ever endure. Paradoxically, it is the most frustrating of all relationships because sometimes the answer comes when there is no response. God can be heard in the silence. He is present in the suffering. When suffering has no words, God whispers love into our lives. Don’t get me wrong - you have a right to be angry or upset. But I’ve always found God there. He’s like a backstage worker behind the scenes of a play – but he is crucial because he sets the right backdrop and lighting and ensures the show must go on. He may not speak in a loud, booming voice. He may not declare his presence in a shining halo of light. Rather, He is love itself, which is subtle, and speaks quietly. St Paul wrote that love is neither boastful nor proud, nor envious, nor anything which points only to itself. Love considers another unconditionally and wholeheartedly and I believe that God does this for each and every one of you. It may not seem like it, but it is worth posing the question, asking whether there is something grander and more wonderful out there, willing your existence and loving you, despite all adversity.

If the story of ‘A Monster Calls’, teaches us anything, it is that the strength we draw in difficult times comes from within our own being. As a Christian, I believe that our strength is God. He is the source of all life, and He is Love. And within our suffering, his love is an anchor in the stormy sea of life. He holds us in place when we feel we have nothing to hold onto.

In the middle of a world of suffering, God is the fountain of peace, wisdom and knowledge in whom we can trust.

An Open Letter to Southern

To whom it may concern, (if there are any employees even left working for the company).

One understands the right of employees to strike action.
 One understands the current dispute between drivers and guards.
One most certainly understands the issues of buttons being pressed...*solemn, exasperated laughter follows*

Truly, one understands that not everything goes one's way in life and sometimes hiccups do occur.

 However, what one intolerably does not understand is your company's prolonged and irritating - nay - farsical response to the current situation. It has gone beyond an industrial dispute and it has gone on long enough.

 It is damaging your customers in a threefold manner: financially with the burgeoning and burdening cost of train travel; emotionally with the strain of trying to get home to frustrated families and, in some sad cases, entire livelihoods where some employees have lost their jobs due to the shockingly unreliable commuter services.

This would be enough for anyone to tear their hair out.

Yet it gets worse...Southern services are poor even when they do run at all.

My most recent journey was delayed by 35 minutes (bad enough). When a platform was finally announced, customers hurtled towards it like sheep for the slaughter. One alighted the train and begrudgingly used the toilet facilities which were both unclean and without toilet paper or paper towels. Hellish.
It seems my nightmarish journey through the nine circles of hell was one of the luckier ones...other services were cancelled due to a "lack of drivers". Sometimes, there are just no words...

One can attempt to empathise with the perspective of a company such as yours...it is a truth that customers can be pedantic,  petulant and downright petty. A small few think they deserve to dine with a silver spoon and sit upon a golden cushion - (but if you want that, its first class for you if you can fork out the fiendish fares).

At the end of the day (because that's how long it takes your 7am commute to arrive) what most of us desire is a reliable service to get us to our intended destination without too many problems along the way. Is that really so much to ask?

Yours despairingly,

Ms D. Layd.

World Poetry Day

Wouldn't it be amazing if we were the only two left in the world?

Do you think we'd feel lonely, or would be be unfurled

Within the splendour of our own existence?

Locked tightly in the indifference of the universe.

Let me write you a verse,

A song of our love,

Nothing to reach for, but the stars shining above.

I couldn't imagine someone with whom I'd rather spend the time,

Thinking about us is an element of the sublime,

Occasionally I wonder how you feel about me

Would you share the time in my company?

I'd love to sit and talk with you,

Hours upon end, until there's nothing more to do.

I don't think I'd ever get bored of your face,

I want to be locked tightly forever in your embrace.

You're like the power lines overhead, electric flowing through,

And I'm the recipient of the energy emerging from you.

Starting a fire within my heart,

The strength which I draw stops and it stars.

Synthesising my heart like a defibrillator,

Like a crime of passion, and you're the initiator.