Is Romance Dead?

I'm a feminist, but I think that romance has been taken away a bit for my generation. I think what people connect with in novels is this idea of an overpowering, encompassing love - and it being more important and special than anything and everything else.

 - Emma Watson 

 

If you asked me to list you a few of my favourite movies, guaranteed to be in that compilation is The Notebook. This title is irrevocably famous for the complete unrealistic view of romance that it portrays. Though Noah and Allie go through their lovers' tiffs, mainly based on their disparity in social class, their relationship is otherwise portrayed as perfect and spans across the years; to the extent where, upon reunion their teenage spark leads to an affair. The fate and soul mate aspect of their relationship just seems too unrealistic. Don't get me wrong, I'd love for someone to feel about me the way that Noah feels about Allie, but particularly in this day and age, it seems that romance is dead, or at least in a severe coma.

More recent movies are perhaps suited to the newer trend of a life full of sexual convenience. In 2011, two films were released rivalling each other on the subject of a sex-only relationship. Friends with Benefits starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake and No Strings Attached featuring Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher. Though both of these films feature subject matter that suits the modern generation's search for less commitment, less monogamy and less romance, I think there is a vital misconception these films give, mostly to women. 

Upon entering a relationship where sex is the only thing on the table (excuse the double entendre) this can appear to be a perfect solution to those who are single. Certainly for those looking to satisfy physical needs, picking a friend to fool around with rather than random one night stands does appear safer, in both personal and physical health. However, I think people who agree to this kind of relationship must enter into it, whilst being totally realistic and completely honest with their partner. It is seemingly the women who enter into this agreement and seem to be more likely to develop, or already previously possess emotional attachment to their partner, and it is scientifically speaking, women who are more likely to end up getting hooked on oxytocin. 

In both the aforementioned films, both partnerships end up completely misconstrued, with expectations jilted and feelings hurt, before naturally, as true fairytale movie endings do - ending up together blissfully happy, in amazing, monogamous fulfilled relationships. In reality no doubt, if such a situation were to arise, it does appear very unlikely that the two parties involved would end up romantically involved by the end of the debacle. Once someone gets emotionally attached, their feelings are ultimately bound to get hurt and if they continue engaging in sexual activity with the person they want a romantic connection with, it would almost certainly wreck their self-esteem or future hope in romantic encounters.

If romance has walked out the door in our sex-focused culture, then friends with benefits style relationships have definitely crashed onto our sofas, and are here to stay. I am in no way knocking that change either. Each to their own, although I am quite a romantic at heart and I do think that romance should make a comeback. Films that generally keep the courtship and mystery in romance are more appealing to my eye. Though old-fashioned, they show the types of relationships that Disney princesses have instilled in female brains from childhood. And although sometimes complete nonsense, it's a hope that girls grow up with. We see our idols chased by a prince and won over by chivalrous feats, when in reality, that's barely close to the truth and our romantic delusions are shattered into shards of broken hopes.

I think our culture has moved to the other extreme on the sex spectrum. In rejecting romance, we now focus purely on physical satisfaction, and neglect our emotional needs, and often we might feel embarrassed and thus suppress our feelings regarding such issues. I'm no prude and I'm not saying that sex isn't an important part of our lifestyles, I just think it needs to be put into perspective. In the context of a monogamous, loving relationship I think it has a perfect place. Anywhere else might be filled with a little jeopardy and trepidation, but no doubt we'll tread that path regardless.

Or y'know, perhaps romance will make a comeback. Maybe love truly does conquer all. Let's hope so.