After lengthy discussions with a close friend of mine, we both came to the conclusion that there are significant formative differences between children who are raised on their own (that is, without siblings) and children who do have brothers and sisters. (In writing this post, I acknowledge that this is in no way specifically fixed, and there are undoubtedly variables and those who completely go against the grain; but for general purposes I think this is a valid social observation.)
There are sweeping generalisations that I have been bombarded with many a time over the years when people find out that I have no brothers or sisters.
"Ah, you're so lucky to have all the attention"
"You must get spoilt rotten"
"Don't you get lonely?"I shall neglect addressing the first two generalisations, for they are arbitrary and often unjustly assumed, and not the original intent of this post. Perhaps I'll address them from my personal experiences in future posts but for now I shall address the third question which can be true and untrue, depending on situations, upbringings and personalities of only children.
You may have recently seen the video circulating on the Internet regarding the way social networks are ruining our relationships because as we seek our own personal self-advancement, we are furthering our culture of narcissism. By claiming we have over 1,000 Facebook friends and constant networking, we see ourselves as social butterflies, constantly moving up the social ladder; when in actual fact this illusion of "friendship", is a delusion of acquaintance, and we are for all intents and purposes, isolated and alone. Ironically, the more we reach out and expand our attentions to other people artificially, the less of ourselves we have to truly give in sincerity. This idea to me is quite frankly abhorrent, and as I say I'd like to explain why. I'd like to part ways with the narrator on the specific point on loneliness. I am in agreement with him regarding the claim that technology destroys relationships. Jeez, give me a cuppa and a face-to-face chat any day!
Yet, one must inevitably acknowledge that technology has become so ingrained within our society, (and particularly the generation that grew up with the technology); that we find it so difficult to detach ourselves from it.
My argument against this is the simple question: Is it so bad to be alone?
In our society, the words alone and loneliness seem to have become inextricably caught up in one another. Yet, for me, the two words are completely different despite their commonalities in definition.
Loneliness is indeed a negative thing. It implies loss of relation, perhaps a loss of sense of sense whether than be orientation, relation or pertaining to a goal or motivation in life. It implies sadness.
Yet for me the word alone has to be put in stark contrast, in the light of my upbringing as an only child. Children are fascinating creatures in the sense that they build their own microcosms of the real world which are fortuitously defended against all negativity. I was fortunate enough during my childhood to have a spacious garden to play in and in this garden, my parents purchased for me one Christmas a large, outdoor playhouse. I thoroughly enjoyed such a wondrous gift. I spent absolutely hours in there, day after day, summer after summer. Throughout the years, my imagination turned the house into a nursery, a hairdressing salon, a school, and even at one point I think it was a restaurant! But the point is I was alone. In a good way! I imagined up these situations. Yet I was perfectly happy attending to my own imagination. Some might say this is unhealthy, yet I think it was a brilliant part of my childhood. I was happy, so the negative assumption of it being unhealthy is unfounded, at least in my particular case. And besides that, I had peers and friends throughout my childhood. I was, for all intents and purposes, a "normal" child (whatever that is!)
The point of these personal anecdotes is to say to you that I think you should question society's notion of spending time alone. It's not such a bad thing. In fact, I think it can be hugely beneficial, particularly for health reasons such as relaxation, or just spending time with yourself, thinking through situations. This is how I gain clarity with what I'm experiencing in daily life. I sit and I ponder. I write poetry. I contemplate. It's a blissful life where you are able to do that, to turn off (literally) from the noise of life. It's almost a form of meditation. To really sit in silence and think about emotions, relationships, life...it surprises me a lot of the time why people have an incessant need to be busy all the time. Just bloody sit down and relax!
Switch your phone off for an hour. I dare you.
Success is dangerous. One begins to copy oneself, and to copy oneself is more dangerous than to copy others. It leads to sterility.- Pablo Picasso
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